Now that you're gone
by Sycocat2
Summary: Soubi leaves with Seimei and Ritsuka is crushed (some song lyrics included).
1. You're gone

******Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless, or Alicia Keyes's song "Doesn't mean anything"

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******Chap 1**: ******"You're gone"**

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One cold colorless January night thirteen year old Aoyagi Ritsuka lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He could never dismiss thoughts of the man who spoke poetic words of love and death.

Every night he remembered the sound of Soubi coming through his always unlocked window. Now he kept it open even throughout winter, hoping.

Back then he saw Soubi every day, and when he demanded that the man leave due to lies and unanswered questions, still wished for him to stay.

Then one day they went to a museum and enjoyed hours together, just the two of them at Soubi's request. It was very much fun, Soubi shared all that he knew about the paintings and artists, it was like their own private tour. Soubi bought him a calendar from the souvenir shop, and afterward they took pictures outside the building.

___*All at once I had it all, but it doesn't mean anything now that you're gone…_

The next day was filled with a crackling lightning storm, and the worst words he could ever hear.

******Flashback**

"___What do you mean you're leaving?" he asked the fighter, who did not respond. Frantically he persisted, "Where are you going? And why?"_

___Soubi slowly looked upward "Seimei."_

"___What are you saying?" he questioned, grabbing the man's arm._

___Turning away Soubi stated "He ordered it."_

___Anxiously, water coming to his eyes, he probed "What- when? Is he alive? Look at me Soubi please!"_

"___I cannot answer your questions Ritsuka and I cannot stay. Seimei's orders are absolute." With that the fighter walked down the street, not looking back._

___Frozen in place with tears flowing down his cheeks, he called out "Soubi! Soubi!" _

******End flashback**

The memory bore the same pain each time it came to mind. The final words he heard Soubi speak were "Seimei's orders are absolute".

Damn it all! Seimei "returned" only to tear Soubi away from him. He knew his brother would chain Soubi down again, returning him to the shell Kio explained he used to be.

It was unbearable.

Soubi did so much for him during the short time he was part of his life, helping to realize he wasa ******real **person, and someone who ******mattered**.

___*Now I see myself through different eyes, it's no surprise…_

He found something in his life with Soubi, he found meaning and true happiness.

___*But it's over…_

It just didn't seem fair.

Throughout the course of twenty months, six hundred seventy days, and every minute between, he waited for Soubi to return. Day and night he looked for that familiar tall form to be just around the corner, or that rhythmic voice to fill his ears with those three words.

He felt what Soubi said was truth. They had a connection as fighter and sacrifice, and he never stopped believing it went further. That was the reason it hurt so much for the days to pass dragging him deeper into loneliness and despair.

His friends, yes they remained, but they did not have the same connection, and it never could be. Soubi knew his inner workings better than anyone, better than himself it seemed. It was as if they knew each other _**forever**_.

___*But it doesn't mean anything now that you're gone…_

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**End of chap 1**

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Hope you liked it, please review…

******A/N:** I know this slightly resembles one of my other fics "You'll come crawling back", but I wrote this first and forgot about it XD


	2. All I want

******Disclaimer**: I don't own Loveless, or Alicia Keyes's song "Doesn't mean anything"

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******Chap 2: "All I want"**

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"Tell me, what's on your mind Ritsuka?" Katsuko-sensei asked, moving brown hair behind her ear.

"Someone I don't want to think about" he replied looking at the window.

"Ah your brother's friend, Agatsuma-san."

The collection of words caused him to cringe.

"___Your brother's friend, Agatsuma-san…"_

He was never "Agatsuma-san" to Ritsuka, he only ever knew the man by his first name. The concept of referring to him as Agatsuma-san made him feel uneasy, as if it created a rift between Soubi and him. Then, there already was a rift between them, an ever-present one from the start of their relationship, one named Seimei.

"You've had him on your mind very much since he went away I gather."

"Of course", he responded without a thought. She looked at him in surprise, "Why is that? He was that special to you?"

___I wish she would stop asking questions like this…_

She had it exactly right; Soubi was extremely special to him. He remained the most important person.

*___It's you that I want…_

"Ritsuka maybe we should end the session", his therapist suggested, holding out a white tissue.

He did not notice the tears until then and with a nod accepted it.

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Exiting the building Ritsuka wished he had an item, aside from photos, to remember the man by. It was a ridiculous notion though.

___*Material things- they don't mean anything…_

Smiling for a moment in spite of himself he thought, ___if I could save a kiss…_

Strangers passing on the sidewalk looked at him then quickly turned away when they saw tears cascading down his pale face. He ignored the bite of cold droplets mingling with the chill of winter. After a few blocks emotions consumed him and he collapsed to the ground. Weakly hands and knees held up his shaking body as sobs broke through resistance.

___*It doesn't mean anything since you're gone…_

Breath hitched in his throat when a ringing came to his ears. He only heard the sound once before, but recognized it immediately.

___Is it possible?..._

Lifting his head he peered beyond the crowd people walking and rushing past, intently staring at a single form in the distance ahead.

When the figure was only twenty feet away he began to believe it truly was the person he thought. As the tall man neared, it became difficult for Ritsuka to breathe.

Long legs walked slowly in his direction and in moments appeared a few inches before him.

He could not look up.

___If I do he'll disappear…_

Breaths now came to his lungs, but rapidly, burning with the rush of air.

When a familiar hand was extended to him he closed his eyes. Upon reopening them it was still there.

Lips quivering, eyes misting, hand shaking, he reached to grab hold. Standing with help, his gaze rose slowly over black pants and a dark blue shirt. As his eyes passed over a covered neck, then chin, lips, and higher he began to shake his head.

"No no no… it can't be you. I'm dreaming, this is another nightmare and soon you'll walk away" he cried.

The familiar velvet voice then entered his ears "Ritsuka".

Violet eyes rose further to meet sapphire ones and he couldn't take it.

"No!" he shouted, startling the people passing. Sobbing he fell forward and Soubi pressed the boy's dampened face to his chest.

"It's not true, you're not real..." he whimpered.

Holding the quivering form in his arms, the fighter softly spoke "My name is Soubi, the title of a foolish man. I prefer to be called Loveless, if you'll have me".

Small arms wrapped around the larger form, clutching cloth so tightly they pinched skin. Soubi did not budge.

___It's you that I want…_

"Stay with me Soubi, stay with me" he whispered through tears.

Sacrifice and fighter remained in that spot beyond time, embracing in their reunion.

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******The end**

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Hope you liked it, please review.


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